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Toets — Caat-a-strofe
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‘En? Hoe staan de zaken?’ vroeg Adam.
‘Toets één als u mijn boodschappen wilt sjouwen.’ zei ik. ‘Toets twee als u mij een drankje wilt aanbieden. Toets drie als u uw gebruikersnaam wilt wijzigen.’
‘Hé,’ zei Adam. ‘Doe niet zo flauw! Ik vroeg alleen maar…’
‘Ongeldige invoer,’ zei ik. ‘Toets één als u mijn boodschappen wilt sjouwen. Toets drie als u mij een drankje wilt aanbieden. Toets vier als u…’
‘Twee!’ zei Adam.
‘Echt?’ zei ik. ‘Een drankje? Nou, daar ben ik wel aan toe.’
‘Dat bedoel ik niet,’ zei Adam. ‘Je zei: toets drie in plaats van twee.’
‘Ik zei twee,’ zei ik. ‘Ik weet het zeker!’
‘Je zei drie!’
‘Ach man, ga toch weg! En bovendien is dit allemaal geen geldige invoer.’
‘Er was geen “toets nul als u met een van onze medewerkers wilt spreken”.’
‘Die waren toevallig allemaal bezet,’ knorde ik.
‘En nou?’
‘U kunt een e-mail sturen aan onze helpdesk. Service aan onze vrienden staat hoog in ons vaandel. Wij doen ons best u binnen 24 uur antwoord te geven.’
‘Zeg, ben je soms op je hoofd gevallen?’ vroeg Adam. ‘Heb je een raar pilletje geslikt of zo?’
‘Houderoverop,’ zei ik moedeloos. ‘Ik ben al drie dagen bezig iets te regelen met een paar instanties.’
‘En?’
‘Eerst verdwaald in de menu’s. Toen geprobeerd een mens te bereiken.’
‘En? Wat zei die?’
‘Niks. Al onze medewerkers zijn in gesprek, weet je wel. Toets uw telefoonnummer in, en wij bellen u zo spoedig mogelijk terug. Ongeldig telefoonnummer. Probeer het nog eens.’
‘En?’
‘Dat was eergisteren,’ zei ik.
Mijn handtas rinkelde. Ik viste mijn mobieltje op en keek op het schermpje.
‘Dat zijn ze.’
‘Gauw!’ zei Adam.
Ik dacht even na, en gooide toen mijn mobieltje met een mooie boog in de eendenvijver.
‘De communicatie is tijdelijk verbroken,’ zei ik. ‘Probeert u het later nog eens. Drankje?’
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