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Mens is een heel belerend tiep. Ze legt de hele dag van alles aan iedereen uit. En het erge is: soms gaat ze mij ook van alles uitleggen. Nou ja, kan ik weer de wijze kater uithangen.
Ik heb wel eens verteld dat ik een je-weet-welkater ben. Eh… platzak, zeg maar. En ik had van die mooie pompoentjes, joh! Nou ja, dat zijn nu dus platte pompoentjes. Gelukkig was dat al zo toen mens me vond.
Ik ben dus *kuch* gecastreerd. Het nadeel is, dat ik geen schattige Binkies meer kan maken, maar het voordeel is, dat er dan meer katten uit het asiel gehaald worden. Een ander voordeel is, dat ik niet het hele huis onderplas, geen nachtelijke balkonaria’s zing én dat ik niet de hort op wil om een paar mooie poezen te verschalken en en passant aan de knok te raken met mijn medekaters. Voor mij geen gescheurde oren en stinkende abcessen.
Maar, dames, dat neemt niet weg dat ik altijd in ben voor romantische brieven (met foto), kopjes, kroeltjes en meer van die dingen. Ik bedoel: ik ben invoelend, teder, aandachtig… wat, mens? O ja, bescheiden. WAT? Begint ze nou weer? Die weet ook niet van ophouden, hè. Maar goed: ik ben een echte metrokater, en ik durf gewoon roze te dragen, want ik hoef niet zo nodig de macho uit te hangen.
Maar nou de dames. Het personeel van poezendames wil natuurlijk óók geen gezang, krols gekrijs en tweemaal per jaar een kittenexplosie. Dus die poezen worden… Nou? Wat? Ik hoor het jullie al in koor roepen: ‘Gesteriliseerd!’ Nee, mensen, dat worden ze niet.
Katers en poezen, zijn, net als manmensen en vrouwmensen, volgens hetzelfde plan gebouwd. Wij, katers, maken zaadcellen in onze pompoentjes. En bij jullie, dames, komen de eicellen uit de eierstokken. Daarna worden die cellen vervoerd in de zaad- en eileiders. Als we héél klein zijn, is er nog geen verschil. Maar door een bepaald hormoon (testosteron) ontwikkelen de ‘onbepaalde’ orgaantjes zich bij de kater tot pompoenen en bij de poezen tot eierstokjes. Bij de een gaan ze aan de buitenkant hangen en bij de ander kruipen ze in het buikje, maar het principe is hetzelfde.
Die orgaantjes maken twee dingen: geslachtscellen waarmee je nieuwe kittens kunt fabrieken, en geslachtshormonen waardoor je krols wordt.
Nou weten jullie allemaal heel goed wat er gebeurt als je een manmens of een vrouwmens steriliseert. Ze willen dan geen nare, gillende baby’s meer, maar ze willen wél krols blijven. Dus wat doen ze? Ze laten de pompoenen en de eierstokken zitten, en zorgen alleen dat de geslachtscellen nergens meer heen kunnen. Dus worden de zaad- of eileiders doorgeknipt of afgebonden. Klaar!
Dat doen mensen dus écht niet met poezendames! Daar zou iedereen heel ongelukkig van worden! Krolse poezen die geen kittens kunnen krijgen, mensen die gek worden van het gezeur… nee, bij poezen worden de eierstokjes (hun inwendige pompoentjes) weggehaald. Ofwel: zij worden ook gecastreerd. Zo heet dat.
Dus nog even op een rijtje:
– het onderbreken van de ei- of zaadleider heet sterilisatie (doel is onvruchtbaarheid),
– het weghalen van de teelballen of eierstokken heet castratie (doel is onvruchtbaarheid én voorkomen van krolsheid).
Zo. Dat weten jullie dan ook weer. Veel KG’s hebben het intussen opgegeven om nog de juiste termen te gebruiken, want hun klanten zijn eigenwijs, hoor! Maar mijn mens is nog véél eigenwijzer! Daarom heeft ze met haar vorige KG eens een heel raar gesprek gevoerd over een poezendame:
KG Is ze gesteriliseerd?
Mens Gecastreerd.
KG Maar het is een poes.
Mens Ze is gecastreerd.
KG Maar het is een póés!
Mens (vinnig): Zeg, ú weet toch zeker wel het verschil tussen sterilisatie en castratie?
KG Ja… Maar ik wist niet dat u het ook wist.
Je snapt dat mens meteen naar een andere KG was gegaan als hij het verschil niet had geweten. Maar hij wist het wel… Hij had zich gewoon aangepast aan zijn klanten.
Maar goed, genoeg gekletst.
Stoere, niet-macho, teergevoelige metrokater, pltzak, 3,5 jr, zoekt dito poezen (meervoud) voor kroeltjes, knuffeltjes en dichterlijke briefwisseling.
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